Coincidence?

I was about to check my email when I accidentally typed my email add on Google search, then it gave me the title, "I WANT". That's when I remembered that I used to write missives on a blog. What's funny though, I found out that the last time I opened and wrote something to it was September of last year, on the 11th and today is the 10th, same month. =)

I find this cool.

I still have my hang over...and headache strikes.

see you again!

me, my past, and my present

 

The last time I wrote my thought was almost 3 years ago. I have no idea what awaits me moving forward. Way back then I thought I was at my worst but I was wrong. I ended up my relationship so bad, and its the nth time I lost my relationship. I felt like I did everything for that person. Aside from that, I've been drowned with verbal abuse, insecurities, poor self-esteem, regrets during my college days, Identity crisis, my father's health, my mother's alcoholism, my relationship with my siblings (rivalry)... and as many as I can't remember them now.

I had a job though that time. I had no choice but to move on and start all over again. In a few months time, I was able to catch up, I got my own apartment with co-workers. I was able to buy things I desire, go everywhere I want, wear the latest attire... I never imagined all of it will gone because of my carelessness and I trust too much with people I meet.

 

I was looking at the window when I was at the bus going nowhere, I don't know where to start again. The painful part of losing of all that I have is myself.

 

Few months later, I lost my father, I lost my relationship again, I lost my investments, I lost my job... what else should I lose? I kept asking myself hundred of times then finally I said "nothing else".... not even myself again.

 

All these years, the events in my life are still fresh...the people involve still has no place in my heart and doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I know I'm carrying the burden, the more I carry it the more I get comfortable about myself. But in time, I'll give way for them for no one is perfect. God gave me the wisdom of realizing my mistakes in life and that will be my strength for a better me at time continues to fly.

Twin tower

September 11 Terrorist attack.. antagal na rin nito pero parang kelan lang nangyari. I pray for the souls of those victims and the families that were left.

can't wait

katatapos lang ng inuman... ngayon ko lang ulit nabuksan tong diary ko. nakainom na rin. next time a-araw arawin kita pag may internet na ako.. papahinga na lang muna ako ngayon. borlogs!

is it worth it?

my story goes when  i met a friend..an old known friend

we we're special friends

we had our time before but we failed to make it

we separated ways with anger and hurt..

 

few months after we we're able to fix the broken heart and feelings.

we became friends again

we talked once in a while, once in a blue moon as opportunity knocks

and then everything became promising

we planned to see again but roughly not as a chance

then unexpectedly one day

our same soul met

much of the excitement unlike the first

we felt warm with each other

we started talking like civil people though

then conversation kept on going back to the past

we shared secrets and the laughter and pain

probably fishing happened but nonetheless more of getting each others trust

i know, we don't want the day end like that

we continued the night together

jumped in a cozy lodge

became warmer and friendlier

found arms wrapped with each other

eyes started glancing like the world is ours

everything was too fast

then secs after, our warm lips leaned on each other

that night, i gave my heart

i felt my soul gave in to as well

my heart, i gave it whole

i gave my all

that night.....that night with you

i'm on same shit

Getting tired (Eng Ver)

Maybe you're wondering why there are people who seem to be happy all the time..looks like they don't even have a scratch of problem. sometimes you're jealous with people who have everything even some of them don't deserve to be in their places. and then you're start thinking, why them, why not me or vice versa. some of us will curse or blame others for not having or being what we want. what's worst? some blame God...and some, doesn't recognize him at all.

my point here is not actually discussing about religious matters. i strongly believe that whatever happens to us, whoever we become are all because of what we choose to have and to be. is there a destiny? i don't know- there may be.. but also maybe depends on how we decide on things for our self. it's also true that opportunity comes along. its not luck, opportunity becomes luck when you choose it and manage it successfully. still, that opportunity that may bring changes to your life depends on 2 things, yes or no. the bottom line is, we still choose.

how do people manage to be happy, and abundant, and alive in spite of tragedies, failures, mistakes, rejections and all negative stuff? i'll tell you, they're not happy at all. sometimes you need to fake it, to make it. not all Hollywood stars are lucky with their lives. that's why we found some of them commit suicide, adultery, theft, and unlawful acts. not all businessmen are wealthy and has big  bucks in their savings. always remember that the bigger assets, the bigger the debt. not all famous and beautiful people are real, that's why the fad is plastic surgery and adobe. not all influential people are powerful, they just have connections.

see how our world is different? physical appearance doesn't imply what's inside because it's inside. but what's inside can show us what's the real outside.

it is true that not all poor people are nothing. poverty and destitution means an opportunity for all of us. what's the next level for people who has the highest position in their jobs, or rankings in an organization, or level in world's richest people? NOTHING! which means whatever they do, two things may only happen, stay in their place or go down..to the deepest down. and when they go down, that means losing everything.

people with nothing, doesn't need to be jealous, nor consider their selves as useless that's unethical. i can consider myself as poor. coz all things that i possess are all borrowed to him...up there. all i need to do and all we need to do is to learn how to flip things over. what i mean is, we are all equal. if elite people can smile..we can too. famous people are treated so special, we deserve to be treated same way. high-ranking officials have protection and power, we deserve more than them because we are civilians. sometimes, it's just the way we think and the way our perceptions work. if we you see yourself as weak or nothing, just ordinary, hen that's the end of your story. do not expect changes. but if you start thinking and saying to yourself that you will be what you want to be then there's a promise. potential comes when there's theory. all we need are proof and capabilities...mathematics.

we can be what we want to be and being poor or nothing at all is not a hindrance on one's success. just learn how to play things safely and healthy. no need to use people for an advantage just use resources that is not against human and God's law. you can say, this idea is stupid or extremely hard to achieve, yeah maybe..but who told you? who's stopping you? if people we're able to reach moon..it means it's possible. so people became rich, famous, powerful, all of these are possible to you, and to all of us coz they already happened to others not because of luck but because that's what they chose to be. again, you just need to learn how to flip things over. if you're poor, nothing, disabled, or anything, flip yourself over and be what you want to be. easy to say but its easier if you act on it. dreams are associated with fantasies because they really don't happen. it will only become reality if there's an action. 

 

plans...goals.. they're just stepping stones but will not be accomplished if there's no action. feelings, idea, knowledge, won't go anywhere if you do nothing to them. that's why life is described as anything that breathes, move, multiply...coz if not? of course that's dead..not moving, no actions, no response. DEAD. are you dead? so move and flip things over and be happy for the rest of your life