The last time I wrote my thought was almost 3 years ago. I have no idea what awaits me moving forward. Way back then I thought I was at my worst but I was wrong. I ended up my relationship so bad, and its the nth time I lost my relationship. I felt like I did everything for that person. Aside from that, I've been drowned with verbal abuse, insecurities, poor self-esteem, regrets during my college days, Identity crisis, my father's health, my mother's alcoholism, my relationship with my siblings (rivalry)... and as many as I can't remember them now.
I had a job though that time. I had no choice but to move on and start all over again. In a few months time, I was able to catch up, I got my own apartment with co-workers. I was able to buy things I desire, go everywhere I want, wear the latest attire... I never imagined all of it will gone because of my carelessness and I trust too much with people I meet.
I was looking at the window when I was at the bus going nowhere, I don't know where to start again. The painful part of losing of all that I have is myself.
Few months later, I lost my father, I lost my relationship again, I lost my investments, I lost my job... what else should I lose? I kept asking myself hundred of times then finally I said "nothing else".... not even myself again.
All these years, the events in my life are still fresh...the people involve still has no place in my heart and doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I know I'm carrying the burden, the more I carry it the more I get comfortable about myself. But in time, I'll give way for them for no one is perfect. God gave me the wisdom of realizing my mistakes in life and that will be my strength for a better me at time continues to fly.
