Hold me like no one can get me.

Protect me so no one can hurt me.

I'm defenseless...I can't even see nor hear anything

I promise, once I can talk, and move, and do like normal people can...

I will find you.. I will recognize everything you'll do for me

but as of now..please stay.. don't go away.

You are my shell. My ego. My strenght.

Can't you see? I'm not comfotable with my condition.

My skin hurts..as if I'm in fire

and the only comfort I can get is from your hands

Please take care of me

It feels like no one loves me.

Am I suppose to be here yet?

Am I the only one born like this?

I hope no is experiencing the same like my situation.

It's hard.

It's very scary.

It's very dangerous.

You must be so lucky.

for my dad

Hi dad, how are you.. I hope you're feeling okay. Please don't be afraid of what life awaits you. I know it’s hard from your part but I want you to know, I love you! If there would be a thing that I will die for to say to the world, that is, "I'm sorry dad". I'm aware we're not the typical dad-son relationship like having much time for bonding, playing basketball together; changing thoughts about cars, girls, and crazy things...we're not like that. But, I still appreaciate you as my world's greatest dad. That's what you are.

Right now, I have this guilty and sorrowful feeling because you're there lying down in the hospital and can't do anything but just let the days pass until you can go and leave. Dad, i'm writing this letter for you because I don't have any ways to let go of these hard feelings inside me. I want you to know that whatever happened in our past, it didn't change you as a father image to me. I'm proud of you. God knows. and i want to be like you someday. A man so strong, a good provider, brave enough to face challenges in life, a man who value friends and love ones, a good decision maker and a lot more.

Dad, did you ever regret how I grew up? The way I talk, the way I see things, the way I move, the way I speak, the way I weigh things, the way I do things for our family, the way I treated you??? I'm sorry if you think I never remembered you. It was not that way. You're the only man who loved me so much..more than unconditional. Even we do not talk that much; I never felt that I was never forgotten by you! You never raised me as a bad guy. You never gave me the best life ever can be. You never given me the most valuable gifts that i could have. You never taught how I should be when I grew up. But most of all, you gave me the most thing that made me contented in my life, my freedom! You never taught how I should recognize God that I should be a God-fearing one, but I saw that, you are. KAHIT KAILAN, i never heard you saying things that will insult me, you never degrade me, you never judged me from the way I decide, the way I think, and the way I move....DAD ILOVEYOU SO MUCH and it will never change! If I’ll be given another chance to live, I want to have you as my dad. I will never know when you will leave me but, if that comes, I never regretted having you in my life! There will never come a day that I will fordget you. I know this is not your last day but I just want to tell you all of these things. and in fact this is not all yet. You will know everything and alam mo naman na mahal na mahal kita!

what's iloveyou in any ways?

I love you like the sunny side up on my plate

I love you like when I crave my PASTA dish

I love you like the rain won't stop from falling

I love you like when I grab and wrap my blanket around my body when its cold

I love you like if its my first time to come on stage

I love you like the birds kept on singing

I love you like the sun shines through
I love you like the feeling of excitement

I love you everyday

even when it comes, my last happy day.

()If i'll be caught in the middle....you never need to listen. Just feel me()

i love you mama & papa

A very touching clip about the silent thoughts of our parents. This will help us understand them deeply why sometimes they are doing annoying things like being hard headed, wierd, crying alone, and this will explain kung bakit nagsusungit sila sa atin, kung bakit mainitin ang ulo nila, kung bakit minsan mahina loob nila, kung minsan hindi tayo nagkakasundo. Iyon pala, may mga hinanakit silang tinatago. At tayo namang mga anak, naiinis lang tayo sa kanila, without even knowing what's happenning to them. Minsan kahit alam nating may karamdaman sila, sige pa rin tayo sa mundo natin. Ang parents natin, kadalasan kinikimkim o sinasarili na lang nila lahat ng masakit at nakakatampong bagay. Lunud na lunod na sila sa pagkalimot natin sa kanila. sawang sawa na sila sa pagiging magisa at pagbalewala natin sa kanila. Ramdam nila, lipas na sila, na hindi na sila kailangan dahil malalaki na tayo. Dumarating sa punto na sinisigawan pa natin sila kapag sinisita nila tayo o kaya nagsungit sila.

Tayong mga anak, we're only focused on what we want, pagkauwi ng bahay hawak ang cellphone o kaya magdamag sa computer, nakababad sa tv, o natutulog habang nakikinig ng paboritong tugtog. We even don't bother to ask our parents kung nakakain na ba sila, o kamusta ang pakiramdam nila. Masakit iyon para sa mga magulang natin. Pero hindi natin alam iyon.

Naranansan nating magipit. Kadalasan nating solusyon ay humingi sa magulang o mangutang sa kakilala. Ang mga magulang natin, mas madalas silang gipit, at kahit gusto nilang humiram o humingi ng tulong sa atin, hindi na lang nila sinasabi sa atin dahil mas gusto nilang maging okay tayo at hindi magipit.

Madalas tayong mamasyal, window shopping at ang laging kasama kung hindi kaibigan, ay ka-ibigan. Mamimili tayo ng mga bagay na nagustuhan natin. We even become thoughtful with our special people...but at the end of the day pag uwi natin, naalala ba natin sila mama at papa na bilhan o uwian man lang ng pasalubong? Alam mo ba, malaking bagay na sa kanila yung maalala mo sila o kahit pasalubungan sila ng siopao...o kahit shorts sa surplus. Hindi naman sila humuhingi ng malalaking bagay o mamahaling regalo. Kuntento na nga lang sila sa simpleng pakikipagkwentuhan sa kanila o kahit mahigpit na yakap mula sa atin.

Ang mga magulang natin, nagangarap din tulad nating mga anak. Noong bata pa sila, may kanya kanya silang luho. Nung dumating tayo sa kanila, kinalimutan nila lahat maging ang kanilang sarili. Dahil mas gusto pa nilang ibigay lahat lahat sa atin kesa iyong sa sarili nilang kapakanan. Isa nga sa pinaka magandang pangarap nila sa buhay ay magkaroon ng sarili at maganadang bahay. Pero lam mo ba, mas gusto pa nilang makita na tayo ang magkaroon nun..Iniisip kasi nila mas kailangan natin yun..at sila matanda na...

Nakakaiyak kasi, sa edad kong to, ngayon ko lang narealize mga bagay na to. Palagi kong iniisip sarili ko. Graduate na ako. Nakapagtrabaho na rin ako. Pero pakiramdam ko nakalimutan ko sila. Maraming tao ang dumaan sa buhay ko. Mas pinili ko pang ibuhos ang buong oras at pagmamahal ko sa kanila kesa sa mga magulang ko. Takot pa nga akong mawala sa buhay ko ung mga taong pinakisamahan ko pero ni minsan di ko naisip mga magulang ko. Hindi na rin ako umuuwi sa bahay. .kasi mas gusto kong kasama yung mahal ko. pero mali pala yun. Naisip ko lang, kahit ilang beses kang sabihan na Mahal na mahal ka ng kinakasama mo, o kahit gaano pa nya lambingan ang pagsabing mahal na mahal ka niya, sasaktan at sasaktan ka pa rin nya. ang masakit, pag nagsawa na sya sayo, kahit gaano mo isinuko ang sarili mo sa kanya, iiwan at iiwan ka pa rin nya. PAPALITAN KA NYA. Pero alam mo, ang mga magulang natin, kahit ilang beses natin silang binabalewala, kahit ilang bese tayong nagsisinungaling sa kanilaa, kahit hindi natin sila inaalala at kahit ramdam na ramdam nila iyon, kahit kailan, hindi nila tayo iiwan at hindi nila tayo kayang iwan. and that's beyond unconditional love.

Even when time comes, that they need to go, I'm sure, the only love that we won't forget and regret among all the people that we have in our life, is from our parents. Wala silang katumbas.

.....if you have comments and stories, feel free to share it here.

ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyou
youihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyouihate
hateyouihateoyuihateyouihateyouihateyoui
ihateyouihateyouihateyouihateihateyouihateyou!

i just hate you (",)

I hate it when my efforts are taken for granted

//                  //       // // // //       // // // //       //
//                  //        //                   //          //     //
//                  //      //  // //         // // // //      //
//                  //      //                  //       //          ''
// // // //    //     // // // //      //         //       o

whatever happens in a day, you are responsible for that

i just read it from a certain site when i'm searching for INTELLICARE

READ THIS: The useless intellicare health card. The EXPOSÉ Mar 24, '09 3:58 AM
for everyone
Credits: bethel101
http://bethel101.multiply.com/journal/item/28/28


Sinamahan ko today si dad, ang aking 55-year old father para magpacheck up due to lower back pain and dizziness. Since my sister got him an intellicare health card sa office nila and she's paying dad's card monthly, I was expecting na in a way eh mabawasan ang expenses. But I ended up being pissed off the whole day.

Let me start with 2 stories that would give you some idea on how screwed up intellicare is.

First story is about my mom. More than 3 years ago, mom was diagnosed of breast cancer stage 2B. That time, super bago lang sa convergys si ate, and ang health card nila was MEDICARE. During mom's fight with cancer, meron syang medicare, same like what my dad has right now, only it's medicare not intellicare. Monthly, may chemotherapy si mama, she needed to be confined for 24 hours para maubos nya yung chemo drug na nasa dextrose. Ako ang sumasama sa kanya, I was only a 2nd year nursing student in UST. Number one rule namin ni mama during confinement: di bale nang maiwan ang wallet, wag lang ang medicard. Why? Pagdating namin ng St. Luke's, bigay lang ang card, swabe, zero balance, walang babayaran. As in WALA. Pag for discharge na sya, bababa lang ako sa cashier sa ground floor, ibibigay ang medicare and valid ID, cleared na kami. For 2 years, ganun. Hanggang sa dumating ang araw na sinugod sa emergency room si mama dahil tumigil na sya huminga, then the next day she passed away. I went to the cashier, the bill was 102,000 pesos. Overnight stay in St. Luke's sa ER then transferred sa ICU, then nag-expire na si mama. I gave the card, swabe, zero balance, we can take the body home. My family, especially my sister, was very thankful sa blessing na yun, we did spend a lot pa rin bukod sa sagot ng medicare dahil as we all know, sobrang mahal magkasakit dito sa pinas, just imagine kung cancer pa sakit mo. Kung ayaw mong ipila sa government hospital na laging puno, you really have to spend money. A lot of money. Pero just imagine kung walang medicare, siguro naghada na ako. hahahaha!!! joke!

My second story is about INTELLICARE. Last year, my sister's officemate Noel died because he had a heart attack habang nasa work sa convergys ortigas. As in team mate sya ng sister ko, habang nageemail sila, nagcollapse si Noel, bumagsak sa floor. Tinakbo nila sa convergys clinic. Nag-CPR ang nurse, walang makuhang pulse or heart beat in 5 minutes, medyo critical na yun, brain damage occurs at 6 minutes pag walang supply ng oxygen ang utak. And brain damage is permanent. Anyway, the nurse decided to call Medical City Hospital, nearest yun na hospital na accredited ang intellicare. Pagtawag nya requesting for an ambulance, the nurse on the other line said "Ay, sorry po hindi po covered ng card". The very famous line. Nakipag-away pa ang convergys nurse habang si Noel eh nakabulagta sa floor. According to my sister, mga 10 minutes pa daw bago dumating yung ambulance, at take note, pinagtulungan na lang nilang buhatin si noel from the clinic on the 34th floor papunta sa elevator at sa ground floor dahil ayaw umakyat ng taga-medical city dahil "Ay, sorry po hindi po covered ng card". F*** diba, namatay yung tao dahil hindi covered ng intellicare ang ambulansya!! Ask convergys people from ortigas. They know this.

Now, here comes my experience today.

Kasama ko si Papa kanina right, pumila kami for more than an hour para mapa-check up yung back pains nya sa MEDICAL CITY STA. LUCIA EAST GRAND MALL. But aside from the back pains, gusto ko rin sana pa-check yung blood sugar nya and cholesterol kasi may company check up sila last september, and the doctor gave him maintenance drugs for diabetes and cholesterol. And the doctor just told him diabetic daw sya tsaka mataas cholesterol. Being the Thomasian Nurse that I am, I need to see the blood work out first bago maniwala, I won't have my dad taking some pills na hindi naman namin alam kung para saan, eh hindi naman daw sya kinuhaan ng dugo. Ang kinuha lang eh blood pressure, which is 140/90. And it's not the diagnostic test for diabetes and cholesterol (hindi ko alam kung ganun na ngayon pero sa pagkakaalam ko kelangan talaga munang kuhaan ng dugo para sa mga to). Anyway, eh di pumasok kami nung room ng doctor.
Doctor: Ano ho problema natin?

Papa Cortez: Dok balakang ho, sumasakit...

*doctor started to write something sa chart then nagreseta*

Doctor: Sa tingin ko ho arthritis yan, pa-x ray na lang ho kayo

*bethel biglang pumintig ang mga ugat sa noo*

Bea: Dok, gusto ko rin ho sana pacheck yung blood sugar nya tsaka cholesterol kasi ho chineck up sila sa office ang sabi ho nung....

Doctor: (interrupting. take note. hindi ako pinatapos magsalita) hindi ko ho pwedeng gawin yan ngayon kasi hindi po covered ng card. Bumalik na lang ho kayo sa sabado baka pwede nating pagawa.

Bea: (nagbabakasakali!) eh baka ho hindi na kami makabalik sa saturday kasi...

Doctor: (lecheng interrupting again) kasi ho hindi maco-cover ng card yung blood chemistry nyo magiging parang executive check up kasi

Bea: eh kahit bayaran na lang po basta ma-check lang bayaran na lang po namin (dito nagsisimula nang lumaki butas ng ilong ko sa galit)

Doctor: balik na lang kayo tignan naten.

*doctor stood up and went out of the room*

This made my day. F**king doctor. No one ever made bastos to me like what he did! Lalo na papa ko na commander PNP handling lots of men! SInasaluduhan tatay ko kahit san sya pumunta tapos tatayuan nya kami. F**k talaga. Naubos ang lakas ko kakapigil, i decided to go to another clinic. Sobra na. Pero before we left, i asked the clerk there kung sasagutin ba ng intellicare yung lumbo-sacral APL. Hindi rin pala, consultation lang ang masasagot ng intellicare. Oh god, help me. Baka makapatay ako ng tao.

Anyway, lumipat kami sa centro medico in riverbanks mall, i decided not to give the intellicare card na lang since wala rin naman palang matitipid. People there were so nice go there dun kayo magpacheck up mababait sila! Well accomodated kami, well-organized sila so hindi kami naghintay ng matagal. And when I asked questions they answer right away, hindi yung paiikutin ka pa. Nabanggit ni papa na may intellicare sya so binigay ko. The doctor was nice too, she immediately said yes when i requested for a blood chemistry. The clerk also tried to see kung masasagot ng intellicare kahit half ng expenses pero ang sinagot lang eh urinalysis (115pesos sa UST to. hmm. alright.).

So nung hapon, my father had his physical therapy for his hips and arms, he had chest x-ray and lumbo sacral APL done, and tonight we're starting his fasting para sa fasting blood sugar nya for tomorrow AM, and full blood chemistry. We paid 1,600pesos today and the blood chem tomorrow costs 2,030 pesos, pero we really don't care kasi it's for dad's health naman. And he deserves to be treated like someone na kelangan ng check up kasi hello, he's 55 na. And we ended up happy, both parties are happy. Thanks to Ian, dad's physical therapist today, you were so nice and mabait!

So, what's my point? I hate intellicare, Convergys really made a mistake switching from medicare to intellicare. I worked with convergys for 6 months and I heard a lot of concerns about this, yung mga complaints na hindi covered kahit emergency case, or employee na mismo pag nagpacheck up intellicare would say wala pang coverage... It's really unfair na monthly anglaki laki ng kinikita nila from the employees, plus yung mga dependents naman binabayaran ng mga employees, pero parang ayaw nila maglabas ng money for them.... It's health we're talking about here for goddamn's sake, life. buhay 'to mga tsong! One more thing, Medical City. You suck! (sorry sa matatamaan, pero i swear halos atakihin ako sa puso kanina. nurse pa lang hindi na friendly, hanggang doctor. hindi na ako bago sa ospital, i love the smell of hospitals and operating rooms. where's the compassion people??!) Anyway, I hope sa future hindi na ako maka-encounter ng ganito, kasi nakakadisappoint talaga.

hiding and doing some things to someone's back doesn't make you safe at all...worse even worst, you're just killing yourself slowly but surely

if you don't know what you're doing and you're not aware of what you're capable of, you don't need to explain...just let yourself understand yourself

i'm dead

a dishonest man can hurt

the unfaithful one can destroy

and a lover's secrets can kill

akap

sabihin sa akin, lahat ng lihim mo... iingatan ko
ibaling sa akin, ang problema mo.. kakayanin ko

patuloy kang sasaktan at babaliwin

ng mga lihim at kilos nyang taimtim

nakakatok, kasi di mo alam kung saan ka pupunta

kahit lumipad ka pa...

may pakpak ka man o wala

nakakatakot ang magisa

nakakapagod maging takot

Part 3- sa hatinggabi

At twing hatinggabi, kapag tulog na ang lahat, kapag ikaw na lang ang gising anong naiisip mo? HORROR? hindi iyon ang ibig kong sabihin. Pag wala kang magawa ano naglalaro sa isipan mo lalo na kapag malamig.... uso na ang net, dvd's at iba pa. Isang saksak mo lang, makakapanood ka na ng mga palabas na di angkop sa mga bata. At kapag nasa rurok ka na ng init, hindi mo na mapigil ang kalikutan ng kamay. Matapos ang sesyon, may nagawa ka ba? Meron...pantasya...BUSY no?

Naaalala mo nung bata ka pa? Pag hatinggabi, iyong tipong patay ang ilaw, tanging tunog ng insekto ang maririnig mo o ingay ng butiki, kapag tahimik ang paligid at ikaw na lang ang gising, ano una mong naiisip at nararamdaman? Takot. Andyan na si WHITE LADY o iyong halimaw sa banga. O kaya si bampira. Talukbong ka sa kumot, kapit na kapit ka kay kapatid o kaya kay nanay o tatay. Pinagpapawisan. Ihing ihi ka na pero di mo magawang bumangon baka kasi may bigla kang makita.

Pero iba na nung lumaki ka na. Sa panahon ngayon, marami ka na ngang makikita sa kalsada. May mga nakahubad pa. Ang iba, gising na gising sa hatinggabi at oras ng party. Sa hatinggabi rin nagaganap ang mga nakakatako t ng pangyayari at maiinit na tagpo. Sa hatinggabi, nakakagawa tayo ng mga bagay na tayo lang ang makakaalam. Mga bagay na gustong ulit ulitin twing hatinggabi.

Nawala na ang takot sa white lady atbp. Masarap ang buhay sa hatinggabi. Pero sa iba nakakatakot at di malilimutan.

Pero naisip mo ba na sa lahat ng mag ito, may nangyari bang matino sa buahy mo? Kung sa akin wala. OO naranasan ko ang parte ng buhay...pero sa edad kong to masyado pang maaga. Tuloy, hindi magandang epekto. Bumabalik sa akin ang mga ginawa kong kalokohan. Na kahit pinipilit mong ayusin ang sarili, pilit ka ring hinihila pababa. Ang masakit pa nyan, iyong mga taong inaasahan mong magbabangon sayo sa pagkalugmok ay sila pang tatapak at maglulubog sayo.
Maloko akong tao...napagdaanan ko na ang iba sa kanila..pero sa isang banda, naisip ko, inaaksaya ko lang pala panahon ko. Ang buhay ko ngayon puro sa takot umiikot. Sa pagibig, sa buhay, tungkol sa tagumpay at pagkatalo. Takot sa mga sasabihin ng tao. Dito umiikot ang mundo ko.
Naisip ko, lumipas na ang ilang taon, pero parang walang nagyayari sa buhay ko. Ganito rin ba'ng naiisip mo? Pwes pareho tayo. At swerte mo, kung alam mo na nakikita mo mga pagkakamali mo, ibig sabihin alam mo kung ano ang tama't mali. At kung alam mo ang mga ito, malamang alam mo kung ano na ang gagawin mo.

Paligid- a sequel to forgetting him

Nakakabigla lang na sa saglit na mapadpad ka sa isang idiot box, marami ka nang maririnig at masasaksihang di kanais nais na kaganapan sa paligid.. at iyong palagid na kasama sa kwento ay iyong paligid na ginagalawan din natin. Hindi ka ba natatakot? O nababahala man lang? Pagbukas mo ng telebisyon, makikita mo patayan. Pag lipat mo sa kabila, rape. Sa kabila naman, away. Sa isa, pagnanakaw. Mapapanood mo sa balita lahat. Pero pagkatapos nun, lipat sa paboritong programa tulad ng teleserye, o mga banyagang palabas.

Ang iba sa atin walang pakialam. Busy sa trabaho. Ang iba baligtad ang oras. Hindi alam ang nagyayari sa paligid. Kahit sa sarili hindi alam ang nagyayari. Hati ang oras..nagkukulang pa.

Pero pag may free time, anong ginagawa? Pag walang ginagawa saan nagpupunta? Pag libre, ano naiisip gawin? Marami.

Nakakatakot lang paglabas mo nang bahay hindi mo alam kung anong bagay ang nakaabang sayo. Minsan kahit nasa loob ka ng bahay maiisip mo, hindi ka pa rin ligtas. Pero busy ka pa rin.
Pagpunta mo ng radyo, away pulitika ang pinaguusapan. Ganon din sa internet. Mga hollywood scandals at iba pa. Kung titignan mo ang mundo, bukod sa busy, nakakatakot na rin.
Kung ako papipiliin, ang buhay dati o ngayon, wala akong pipiliin. Parehong nakakatakot. Parehong hindi ligtas. Kahit nga sa sariling mong minamahal di ka ligtas. Kahit sa mga kaibigan mo, hindi ka ligtas. Ultimo pamilya mo hindi ka rin ligtas. Ang masakit kahit sa sarili mo hindi ka ligtas.
Walang kasiguraduhan sa mundo. Nakakatuwa lang, ang buhay ng tao ay patuloy...pero sa iba, bigla itong nawawala.
Minsan naisip ko, kailan kaya ako mabubura sa mundo? Lahat na siguro tayo natanong na sa sarili natin, pero bakit kaya tayo humahantong sa ganong katanungan? Hindi ko alam. Minsan kasi napapagod na ako pero masarap pa rin lasapin ang buhay.
Nabalitaan ko nga iyong nangyari sa Maguindanao. Iniisip ko kung andoon ako, ano kaya ang pakiramdam? OO alam ko nakakatakot, na tipong nakakaiyak... Pero iyong pakiramdam na wala ka nang magawa at alam mo nang oras mo na? Pinaka masakit pa iyong mga kababaihang inabuso bago pinutulan ng buhay. Ayoko mapunta sa ganoong sitwasyon. Sino ba may gusto? Pero marami sa atin naiisip pagpatiwakal. Hindi ko sila masisisi dala nang problema at depresyon. Pero kapag may nakaharap tayong holdaper o killer halos maihi tayo sa takot..iiyak pa nga tayo eh. Kahit iyong tipong Freddie vs Jason X, imaginin lang natin na andyan sila sa tabi tabi hindi na tayo makatulog. Pero may nagagawa pa rin magpakamatay.
Kaya nga diba, nakakapagtaka, ang mga tao sobrang busy sa mundo. Nakakatakot na sa tinitirhan natin. Pero anong ginagawa pa rin natin?
Naisip ko bigla ang pamilya ko. Pati iyong taong pinakamamahal ko. Kung pwede ko lang silang ilagay lahat sa braso ko, iyong tipong walang sinuman ang makakagalaw at makakahawak at makakakuha sa kanila, gagawin ko. Pero ang masakit, hindi ko magagawa. At kahit magawa ko pang bantayan sila at itago sa braso ko, darating din ang araw na lilipas silang lahat maging ako.
Itong umagang to, naisip ko na iparamdam sa kanilang lahat kung gaano ko sila kamahal. Na mamamatay ako para sa kanila. hindi nila alam kasi ang nakikita lang nila sa akin ay iyong mga pagkakamali ko at mga kalokohan sa buhay. Pero kakampi ko naman si bro. sya nakakaalam ng lahat.
Sana isang araw, magbago ang mundo. mawala na itong mga takot ko. Na kahit mawala man ako, alam ko hindi sila mapapano.

In Memories of the Maguinadano victims and their families

Grabe, the world is too busy working, looking for money, looking for mate, looking for job, looking for living, looking for partners, having problem with lovelife, having trouble with neighbors, cheating to his/her partner, playing stupid games, accomplishing requirements, busy for copying files, cheating in exam, thinking what to say for the one you like, thinking 24/7 about your crush, planning for bomb threat, hostage crisis, political agenda and their hidden agendas, suicide planning, shopping the whole day, locking their self in the room doing nothing, doing porn movies, exploitation, killings, morbid acts, praising wrong entity, doing nothing at all, planning for future, planning for abortion...and the space is not enough to mention all of those. Am I right, the world is TOO BUSY? We are SO BUSY! Are we forgetting something? We all know that. and even if we're aware that we're forgetting him, we ignore it.

this morning I lost a friend

It was a very fine morning.. 1 hour after midnight when we we're laughing and all, Chatting and changing of thoughts...eating and sharing as if there's no tomorrow. We we're not thinking about the result of the assessment we took yesterday. We already set our mind that whatever happens, then be it. But to tell you honestly, we are all tensed as time goes by. We are thrilled about the "results" and what we are concerned withl is our friends' result.

Then the judgement time came, we we're provided for the result except for one of our co-trainee who still doesn't have the result yet...Thank God I did it...Thank God. I believe this was the first line that came out of my friends' mind. Then afterwhich, some of us felt bad...someone cried, others just smiled.

I'm so happy I made it but in my deeper thoughts I'm in pain..why? cz I know we will be losing some..and should I felt bad about it? of course. Its not about being emotional but its about my concern and connection to them. I lost four of my friends and its painful. I know its not the end of the world...but if I would be asked, why not work with the same place and not to lose them anymore. Why do we still need to go through this test if we know we can make it anyway for the trainings? What's the real parameters for us to get the job? What's the sense of Communication skills training anyway?

I remember when my trainer said, the assesssment doesn't define who you are...that's right. So then, what makes them incapable of doing the job just because they didn't pass the standards of the foreiner? If their looking for a good communicator, they shouldn't be investing their business in our homeland.

This morning I lost friends. Not because they can't speak English, not because they are dumb, not because they don't know the procedures nor a bad communicator but because they we're judged by a native speaker. and I thought we only need to be nuetral...I just hope I can use "B2" in troubleshooting.

But i'm not mad at all...I'm just thinking what if it happened to me. I'll surely say, Life is unfair. I just pray for my fellow trainess to be positive enough in whatever challenges they will face after this. coz somehow they will be an inspiration for us who were left to continue this tech journey.

i said to one of my friends who didn't make it that even though that happened, there is a bigger and better opportunity that awaits them.

This is true. They need to be ready for that. For those who did't make it, this is not a goodbye but "see you later" and for us who made it, Guys, let's rock and roll!!!

Thank you Lord, for sending us blessings EEEEEEEEEEEEVeryday of our life. We give them back to you to glorify your name. Thank you!

real friend vs true friend

Every person has friends. We call them depending on how we value them. Some, call their friends as when they started as friends, or how long they've been friends...and some...depends on how far they went through. But for me, I only have two friends to call, one is real friend and another as a true friend. Do you know the difference? I'm afraid not. I'm sure, you used to call your friends as best friend, bezbudz, or close friend... I did the same. But since i've met a lot of people and learned from them, I came up with only two.

Let's start with a real friend. The name sounds cool. Coz its "REAL". But what is it as a real friend? Before I start, I just want to say that right now, i'm thinking of the people I have met and treated as friend as I make this missive and they're so many of them. Anyway, a real frined is someone who is very true to himself. As in, what you see is what you get from this type of friend. He/she could be a straight forward one, knows when to be mean, knows when to mess around, use to play or joke a round. This person is so good to be with because he/she is music listener, a movie person where you can ask and learn a lot. You will be good friends as long as no one is making a mistake. Since this person is a straight forward, a bit perfectionist, you don't want to mess around with.

A real friend, knows when to comfort you. Is like a mirror, that when you do nice things, will certainly do the same without thinking twice. He/she could be generous aspossible as you have never expected, he/she will treat like brother or a sister. You will find and make quality time with each other even telling secrets.

I quoted them as "REAL" friend/s because they are really real. Even things that you don't expect from them shows up and always.

On the other hand, a "TRUE" friend stands on the same way and weight as how a "REAL" friend is. You may not see any difference from the two but let me reveal it for you. A true friend, like a real friend is always there for you. You will feel him/her even without their physical presence. Things that you don't expect them to do for you still happens like a real friend can do. They will love you for who you are, treat you with respect not because of what you have or how you look but because of what you are to them and that is that you're important. A TRUE is never greedy nor envy because he/she knows that they have you but not that they will have what you have. True friends are open minded, you don't need to explain, they will understand you.

By the way, haven't you thought all things I've mentioned are their good images? Now here's the comparison part.

Remember when I said a REAL friend could be straight forward? Yes they are and they will say anything to you bad or good. The worst thing is, they will even stab you at you're back. REAL friends, for as long as you're good to them, getting what they want from you (not necessarily material things) like a favor, or they only want to see what they want to see from you, you will stay friends. No matter how hard you give your best, no matter how painful you will get trhough just to prove yourself how worthy your friendship to them, once they found out there's something wrong with you, its the end of your days. They won't see you as who you are like the first day they've met you. They won't even appreciate all the things you did for them and the things you are doing as you move on to your life...cz for them, you are nothing. They won't see your sacrifices and sorrows, they would even laugh at you, laugh at your mistakes, making rumors out of your kindness and ignorance. You thought that you are good enough for their friendship's worth but you're wrong. They are what we call our "REAL FRIENDS" real till the end.

And here's a good cut for our dear "TRUE FRIENDS". They are fantastic. I can say, they are true gifts from God. They're better than a lover. A true friend will completely accept you for what you are and who you are. A person who won't and will never treat you base on your mistakes, based on you past. They will still recognize you not on what you cannot do but on the things you can do. A true friend knows how to love, because no matter how many times you left them, mock at him/her/them, no matter how childish you are, no matter how many times you committed mistake, no matter how worst you are, they won't and will never leave. They can't take to see you in misery, they won't even take a word that will hurt your feelings. True friend/s know/s how to appreciate, and knows to give back the glory. A TRUE FRIEND doesn't know how to stab you at your back, or even think how bad you are, thus, they are excited to tell their other friends or love ones how good and respectful you are. Cz there's no room for bad things about you for them.

A true friend knows how to feel jealous. They play like a child sometimes or even most of the time. They also mess around and they could make you feel bad or even hurt you as well. But they know how to apologize. and even if they won't say the word, you will see through their actions how sorry they are. With your true friend, you will go through pain as well, arguments, even split ups.. but since he/she is a true friend, he/she can't resist you. He/she can't resist of not seeing you or communicating with you. in the end, you will still be in good terms. and they can do that because they love you.

This is what a "TRUE FRIEND" is. and they are not a true friend till the end, because for them, there's no end for friendship.

These are the friends I've found. Until now, They're existing. In life, you can have as much friends as you want. There are no laws, or teachings that stopping you from collecting and gaining friends. It's even a good picture if you are a friendsly type of person. You can even choose to have one, many or even no one at all.

In my life, as I move on, I kept to myself this....I would rather have a one true friend that I can grow old with than to have countless friends but can't be true to me.

I can't tell to myself what kind of a friend am I...cz that will depend on how my friends see me as their friend.

and just to ask,



what type of a friend you are, a real friend...or a true friend?