Malandi (flirt)

I used to be showy for what I feel. Is there something wrong? Akala ko kasi masama ang magkimkim. When I was a kid, I don't pay a damn attention to what people will think about me, will say about me. I'm not even afraid what they can do for me. I don't talk much. I don't spread words. I don't even want to tell the world who is me, and what do I believe and how'd I feel. Eh ganon ako. That's why before, I do things based on how I understand it and what makes me feel comfortable. If I learned it was a mistake, it was a mistake.

I'm a slow learner too. I belong to the group of people who are egocentric, self-centered, who doesn't know the world, ignorant, and what else??? Kaya siguro utu-uto ako. I always do for the sake of other's favor. I'm even indecisice. I always depend on others decision. Is this a syndrome? A lifetime sickness. Akala ko kasi, Pagnanilbihan ka sa kapwa, yung tipong makalimutan mo sarili mo, maganda sa paningin ng iba. I was wrong. Sooner, it will be taken against you coz they know your weaknesses and they'll kepp on taking advantage til you give up.

San ba ko pupulutin nito? Ang tanong nga, may pupulot pa ba sakin? I remeber when I learned a world from a goth friend named Lana, "wasted". From there on, I use to say it to myself. "I'm wasted" Pero ano ba talaga ibig sabihin ng "I'm wasted" Sa tagalog patapon o nasayang. Eh ano bang nasayang sakin? kinbukasan? money? dignity? pride? Eh ever since naman wala na ako nun. I don't even posses things like others do. That's why maybe some will call me down to earth. So much down to earth. But I don't know how i did it.

Heart attack are sometimes caused by being "makimkim". True? Sabi nila totoo daw. One time I have experienced that the whole day I did not talk, I did not smile, I have a bad feeling and I didn't release it. I ended up with fever and I got sick. Weird but I think it implies why we usually gain sickness is because we let our mood down.

Totoo nga na laughter is the best medicine.

Now i am a grown adult man (yong looking though. hehe) eh showy talaga. I can't help. Kesa bumalik ako sa pagiging makimkim. Mas nakakatakot un.

I've been with a lot of friends. Lahat sila nakaranas ng pagmamahal, ng alaga, ng kasama sakin. lang hiya! iyong iba sa kanila abosado, walang utang na loob. Pero may mga naiwan pa rin which I can say true friends. Sa sobrang pagkakakilala nila sakin, tinatawag akong malandi. haha. Okay lang..Pero pag ako nawawala hinahanp hanap din naman nila ako.

Weird nga eh. At the start, they will call me their savior, angel, bezbuds, bezfriend.. sweet nila no? As time pass by, and they know me better, I'm not hearing those words anymore. Napalitan ng masasakit na salita. May kasamang panghuhusga. Eh sakin normal lang pero hindi tama. But when I decided to leave and never show, I see them in sorrow. Those flowery words are one in one sounding like a song to my ears. I don't say i'm happy to what's happening pero Sinasabi ko na lang sa sarili ko, that's life. Malandi ako eh. Thanks to them. Ang buhay hindi naman natatapos hangga't may hininga. Iwanan ka nang lahat, it's not true that you can't live alone. You've lived your life serving other people alone so walang pinagkaiba kung iwan ka dahil you used to be alone..showy ka kasi! Kaya ka ginaganyan. Tanung, have you been showy to yourself too?