the moment i saw my dad

Dad, Here I am!!!

i was at he office when i received a message from a friend...she's a waitress and a nice employee. "son, tawag ka importante..." i wasn't able to do so coz phone is not allowed inside the prod area. when I got off of the office, I forgot to reply to the message nor make a call. I decided to go to a mall and watch a movie with a girl friend which I can say, a nice friend of mine. I just known her when I got accepted from a job I didn't expect to come. Anyway, I arrived first in the mall cz she needs to see her kids and fix her stuff when i remember to check my phone and reminded me to give a call from another friend. When i reached her, I was shocked and don't know what to say. It was about my father...he got stroked the third time. It happened after he came home from visiting my uncle's doctor. To tell you honestly, the moment I took the jeepney towards the mall, my father suddenly came into my mind. "There must be something wrong" But I didn't mind..i didn't want to think negative at all. At the moment that I've learned about my father's condition, I didn't know what to feel then. It's frustrating cz the thing is, I've learned it from someone who's not even related to me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to see him the way I think about his condition. My friend was still not around at that time. I decided to cancel our plan but still waited for her. I felt like the seconds that are running is the time that I'm wasting. I maintained my composure...made my self calmed. When my friend arrived, I told her straight. She understood. I appreciate her. I'm starving at that time. She took me to a certain noodle stall and we ate a bit. I'm trying to change the topic so it won't sink on me. I'm trying to be happy even if its hard. Finally, we finished the sip...we said goodbye nicely and I walked home. Here it goes...I went straight to his room. I saw him sitting in his bed...his head lying down to his knees and he looks like he's tired of his life. That moment, it changed my mood. I started hugging him, kissing him on his cheeks, I missed him..I missed him...the feeling that i've never felt in my life missing him. My tears started to come out..The moment I saw my dad...It was like crashing my heart but I stayed calm. I need to be strong in front of him. I started chatting with him to break the silence between us. When I heard him uttered a word, it made me feel more painful...mournful. cz its now hard for him to speak and difficult to understand. he doesn't want to talk much because I think he's frustrated in his condition. He stood up and went out. I left myself in the room. The tv was on and the story goes about couple who broke up. I started crying. my tears inescapably pouring down as if it's like my first time to cry again..but its not about the movie. The last time I cried, I promised to myself no to shed tears anymore. I used to cry for people who made me feel stupid and left me because they can't love me until the end. But this one, about my father...I freely cried. it's not a waste of tears.. but its more on saying, "if i could shout in fromt of you how much I love you.. I left you for so many times but still you never turned your back on me and still there whenever I need love" of all the people who came in to my life, he's the only guy who loved me unconditionally, who didn't underestimate my capabilities, his the only guy, who didn't see me in my face how worst I am and all of my mistakes, thus, he saw me how beautiful I am as a person and no one can do that except him. Knowing that he's my father and his a guy, he didn't throw much of what he should expect about me but he let me live the way I should be and accepted every inch of my imperfection. How did I know? He didn't commanded me things according to his standards and his will, he never made me feel that I need to change myself so he can accept me an dbe happy whenever I'm around. In fact he's contented for small things I've given him and that's the greatest love I received from him..I am proud of his love. And that's why I realized I should be proud of myself then..and never ever lose myself even some are trying to lose me.

I love you dad. wherever I go, no one can replace you in my heart. Thanks for bringing me to life. Now is my time to take care of you.